So what is BPD you ask?
According to the DSM-IV-TR (American Psychiatric Association, 2000), Borderline Personality Disorder is diagnosed when there is a persistent pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships, mood and self-image, as well as distinct impulsive behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. These difficulties are indicated by five (or more) of the following:
- Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. ✔
- A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. ✔
- Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. ✔
- Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). This does not include suicidal or self-harming behavior. ✔
- Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. ✔
- Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood – intense feelings that can last from a few hours to a few days. ✔
- Chronic feelings of emptiness.✔ 😓
- Inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling anger. ✔
- Transient, stress-related paranoid ideas or severe dissociative symptoms. ✔
Not all people diagnosed with BPD will present in the same way, as there are over 100 combinations of symptoms possible, if someone has five out of the nine criteria.
The diagnosis of BPD is only made when it is clear that these behaviors have been present over time (usually starting in early adulthood) and across a range of situations.
I fall under all 9 criteria for BPD, starting at the ripe age of around 15. It has been with me since and has developed and transformed throughout the years. As you change and things around you change, circumstances change. What could have once just been sadness has now turned to severe depression. The impulses, the black and white thinking (which goes back to being Bipolar as well) has not changed. In fact, in many aspects it’s become worse. Everything all depends on the situation, the person, the place. I’m very stuck in my ways but at the same time open to listen. Although I usually end up doing what I feel or think is right, I do give others an opportunity to speak their minds. You never know what you might learn about yourself when you’re being seen through someone else’s eyes…